Fred Bowen's "The Score" column,
July 20, 2001, Washington Post

Soccer Parents Draw a Red Card

Last month during a girls soccer game, parents started screaming terrible things at the referee. The referee was a 16-year-old girl who, according to news reports, had never seen such hostile parents.

When the game was over, she said the parents followed her to her car, hurling threats and insults all the way. The parents had come to the game to cheer on the Crofton Hot Shots, an under-14 travel team in the Washington Area Girls Soccer (WAGS) league.

They won't be cheering the Hot Shots any time soon. The Crofton Athletic Council disbanded the team because of the parents' bad behavior.

Abuse of referees, especially in soccer, is a big-time problem. So I spoke to Brian Ahearn, a Northern Virginia-based soccer referee for 20 years who now trains officials. Ahearn has refereed semipro leagues, but has spent most of his time with local youth leagues, including WAGS.

What is the hardest part of being a soccer referee?

In soccer, so much is left to the judgment of the referee. For example, the referee is not supposed to call a foul if it did not make any difference in the play. You have to make a lot of decisions while the game is still going on.

Is referee abuse a real problem?

Yes. No question about it. Referee abuse is a big problem that has gotten much worse in the last 20 years.

Where does the problem come from?

I think a lot of parents did not grow up playing soccer and so they do not understand the game. They think they can influence the referee's call by yelling. That almost never happens. In fact, I have only seen it happen once in 20 years.

Can the coaches be a problem, too?

Some can be. Nowadays, some coaches for travel teams are paid to coach. Really, they are paid to win. If their team is losing, sometimes they blame it on the referee.

What about the kids?

Most kids come to play. Kids' language and manners may have gotten worse in the last 20 years, but the referee can work with them by talking to them or giving them a yellow penalty card. Generally the kids are easier to deal with than the parents. I see kids who are upset, angry and embarrassed by what their parents are yelling on the sidelines -- not only at the referees but at them, too. Kids will be running hard in 90-degree heat for almost an hour. They're exhausted and in the last minutes of the game, they will hear their parents yell: "Come on, hustle!"

If you could tell kids who play soccer one thing from a referee's point of view, what would it be?

The referee does not care who wins. He just wants to see a good game and to make sure it is fair, safe and fun.

And what would you tell parents?

Sit back, relax and enjoy the game. You aren't going to change anything by yelling at the referee or the kids.

FRED BOWEN is the author of sports novels for kids.

© 2001 The Washington Post Company