Fred Bowen's "The Score" column,
December 5, 2003, Washington Post

The King of Cheers

Boy, it's cold outside. The windy, winter weather makes it rough on kids playing sports. The ground is rock hard, so touch football is tough. Kicking a soccer ball is like kicking a sack of cement. And anyone crazy enough to try to hit a baseball will get a sting in the fingers that feels like a fistful of bees.

So, if you are like me, you are inside watching sports on television these days. But watching sports on TV is not so hot either. Sometimes I wish I were the King of TV Sports. I would change a few things.

• Let's show some college sports other than football and basketball. Last Saturday, you could have watched eight college football games and seven college hoops games. The Saturday before that, there were 13 -- count them, 13 -- college football games.

Wouldn't it be great if TV showed more college sports such as hockey, volleyball and lacrosse? Or how about soccer? The NCAA soccer championships are going on now, but what are the chances of seeing Saturday's men's quarterfinal game at the University of Maryland between the Terps and St. Louis University on the tube? Not as good as seeing another college football or basketball game.

• I'd also like to see different teams. Not every NBA game has to feature Shaq and the Los Angeles Lakers. Look for a boatload of Cleveland Cavaliers games this winter. The Cavs may not be very good, but LeBron James looks like the real deal.

• So I want more sports and more teams -- but fewer announcers! Does every game need three or four announcers? I would definitely do away with "sideline reporters." When was the last time a football or basketball coach ever said anything interesting as he was running toward the locker room? All those interviews go something like this:

Announcer: "Coach, what does your team have to do differently in the second half?"

Coach: "Well, we've got to score some more points and keep them from scoring."

Announcer: "Thanks, Coach. Good luck."

Of course, sideline reports are almost the only time you hear a woman speak on TV sports. These days women are doctors, senators, soldiers and national security advisers. I guess that women cannot be trusted with the really important jobs such as doing the play-by-play of an NFL game!

• How about fewer ads? I know the commercials pay the bills, but there must be a zillion ads for pizza, beer and cars. And NASCAR commercials. Just once I would like to see an ad for a NASCAR stock car race that did not show a driver crashing into a wall or another car.

Okay, so watching sports is not as much fun as playing sports. You have to put up with too many ads, too many announcers and not enough choices. But the sofa is comfortable and it's almost tip-off time. Even though it's cold outside, you don't have to wear gloves to feel like you're part of the game.